Bye bye Standard Issue

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After 33 Doodlebugs for Sarah Millican’s Standard Issue magazine, the site (and therefore my column) are closing shop.

People I don’t know reading it and telling me they like it has been amazing but the very, very best thing about it all was this:

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You can view my last one, alongside the other 32, here.

 

Foreigner

It was my mother who heard it first. “She sounds English” she said of my daughter and I told her she was wrong. Children as young as my daughter have not yet developed accents I thought. And yet, after my mother had left I could hear it. Yes, there was an accent. No, it wasn’t the same as mine.

I am Scottish. My husband is English. My child was born and lives in London (sort of) and yet, now she speaks with an English accent I am shocked to have given birth to this person from another country. 

This is of course exactly how it should be and much better than the fear I had throughout my pregnancy that she would develop a hybrid of my Glaswegian tones mixed with my husband’s Essex ones. In my nightmares I heard echoes of Jimmy Krankie meets Danny Dyer and I was scared. That she is simply English is a blessing. Yet it presents new things to be worried about. Will she make fun of my accent for it being different to hers? If we move to Scotland will the hybrid accent become a reality? At airports will border control think I have kidnapped her from a nice English family?

This blog post is brought to you by ideas that weren’t strong enough to support a full-length piece people would pay me for.