I wouldn’t recommend reading the Daily Mail for the obvious reasons. However, if you happened to stumble across this nonsense then I direct you to the doodle below. A quick Google of ‘Daily Mail’ and ‘new mum’ revealed what the non-slummy, Daily Mail approved new mother should resemble.
After 33 Doodlebugs for Sarah Millican’s Standard Issue magazine, the site (and therefore my column) are closing shop.
People I don’t know reading it and telling me they like it has been amazing but the very, very best thing about it all was this:
You can view my last one, alongside the other 32, here.
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter (and you really should), you might have already seen I’ve been writing for Mush. Mush is an app which allows you to connect with fellow mums in your area. It’s an amazing idea, it’s like Tinder for making mum pals and without there being an expectation you’ll send nudes or pretend to find the fact someone once went travelling to be Earth-shatteringly profound. Anyway, alongside getting to meet the mum pal of your dreams, you’ll also be able to read the Mush guides which are interesting, funny, helpful articles tackling all things motherhood. There’s loads of them to keep you entertained while you have a quick cup of tea or are trapped under a sleeping newborn. Here are the ones I’ve written:
I’d love you to read them. If you’re in need of some mum company while everyone else is at work or if you want to meet new people with children the same age as yours the app really is super duper. I hope you’ll download and meet your mum BFF (do people still say BFF or is that passé?)
It was my mother who heard it first. “She sounds English” she said of my daughter and I told her she was wrong. Children as young as my daughter have not yet developed accents I thought. And yet, after my mother had left I could hear it. Yes, there was an accent. No, it wasn’t the same as mine.
I am Scottish. My husband is English. My child was born and lives in London (sort of) and yet, now she speaks with an English accent I am shocked to have given birth to this person from another country.
This is of course exactly how it should be and much better than the fear I had throughout my pregnancy that she would develop a hybrid of my Glaswegian tones mixed with my husband’s Essex ones. In my nightmares I heard echoes of Jimmy Krankie meets Danny Dyer and I was scared. That she is simply English is a blessing. Yet it presents new things to be worried about. Will she make fun of my accent for it being different to hers? If we move to Scotland will the hybrid accent become a reality? At airports will border control think I have kidnapped her from a nice English family?
This blog post is brought to you by ideas that weren’t strong enough to support a full-length piece people would pay me for.